Taking Stock

Yesterday started well, turned into a bit of a pity party, but ended on a better note. Starting well was down to completing my knee exercises, followed by a good breakfast of bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes. I then started off a bottom of the fridge soup in the slow cooker which used up all the bits and pieces of veg and I 'shopped' from the garage freezer, moving the food for this week to the kitchen freezer. So far so good, and then as I walked from the kitchen to the living room I somehow twisted my knee and initially I couldn't bear any weight on it ... cue start of pity party!

I got myself to the sofa and just lost it - I cried and couldn't stop! After what seemed an age, though probably wasn't that long, I pulled myself together but was definitely suffering from a bad case of feeling sorry for myself. To cut a long story short, from previous experience I know that I have crossed the line and am undoubtedly in the early stages of depression.  I've sort of known it for a while so it's time to take action to turn it around. Acknowledging the depression is the first stage and I have a lot of experience of coping with and reversing this stage without the need for medication. I've identified a list of things I can do to try to turn things around and I will get started today while I am still able to help myself. Strangely, although I can't deny that the depression is taking over, there are still huge areas of my life that provide much contentment.

I know that some things important to my wellbeing have relaxed as a result of the lockdown and the subsequent restrictions to our everday lives, so my starting point is to re-establish these, starting with end of day and start of day routines. This involves a quick tidy round before bed, a soak in the bath and then reading for a while before turning the light out at the same time every night. The morning involves setting an alarm to wake at the same time every day, shower and dress, then downstairs for knee exercises followed by breakfast. It may sound too rigid, but it's a tried and tested method that works for me.

I've already anticipated the need to have a variety of fun activities to keep me occupied during the colder months and ordered most of the things on Saturday. The remaining two items will be ordered today. I have written a list of one-off tasks, all of which are weighing on my mind for some reason, so will attempt to tackle at least one of these task every day. Today's task is to print out some recipes - easily achieved, but something I have been putting off. I also have to phone the doctor today to make an appointment.

Oh, the yesterday ending on a better note part was down to my knee holding up to walking again, watching The Greatest Showman, but mostly due to deciding to take positive action to turn things round.

Comments

  1. (((HUGS))) Eileen. Sometimes, a good weep is exactly what we need. It's good that you recognize the signs of depression and know what you need to do to turn things around. I hope the regular routines will add more structure to your days and that will help. Lists are helpful, too, because having things written down means we don't have to try to remember them and carry them around in our minds, all the time. I'm glad you have ordered most of the things you need for your fun activities, too. As for your knee, would a supportive bandage type thing help?

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    1. Thanks Bless. I'm hopeful that I'm taking action early enough, while I still have the energy to do something about it.

      Medical advice is to avoid a supportive bandage so I haven't bothered, but will ask again when I get an appointment.

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  2. (((((big hugs))))) from me too, Eileen.
    I totally agree with you that those structures and routines are tremendously important, especially when things are not good in other ways. For me, it is very strongly connected with regaining/retaining some element of control over the things I can control, while accepting that I need to let go of other things for a while.
    I don't think your plans are too rigid at all, they sound just right to me and show great self awareness.
    And I'm glad the poor knee was holding up a bit better towards the end of the day.
    Sending positive vibes your way.
    xx

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    1. Thanks Joy, positive vibes help more than you can know. I need to slowly reintroduce some rhythm to my day so at least the essentials are getting done.

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  3. I'm sorry you are feeling low and no way was that a pity party x I too have a list to get myself out of the early stages of depression and it works. I hope you feel better soon. x

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    1. Thanks Lynn. Luckily I'm a 'lists' sort of person so my tried and tested approach should soon see me right.

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  4. It's really good that you know exactly what you need to do to get out of the beginnings of depression.
    It's a pity the weather is so grey - we need sunshine to help us get through

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    1. Thanks Sue. Yes, the weather's not helping and I been feeling increasingly anxious about how I can continue to meet friends and family when it's too cold or wet to meet outdoors.

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  5. Bravo you recognizing that there's a problem brewing & doing something now about it. Depression is such a sneak as it can slip quietly into your thinking. I do think that the whole uncertainty about COVID lurks on everyone's shoulders & weighs us down. And the change of light does play into our moods. Rest, good food & some time spent outdoors, even if it's just standing in your garden for 15-20 minutes are all things recommended on our government site for battling depression, along with taking our Vit D (Dr Campbell recommends Vit D too). So glad that the knee has somewhat righted its self - all those knee exercise have helped. Sending lots of positive energy.

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    1. Thanks Mary-Lou. I spent the afternoon outside - a trip to the animal park with my friend - and intend to get some fresh air every day. I've been taking vit D for years as it aids the absorption of the calcium tablets I take.

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  6. It sounds as though you are having a positive approach to you mood.I think we are all fed up,but is good you can recognise the signs of upcoming depression and do something about.You really impress me with all the things that you do ,a lot more than me!!! Chin up and keep blogging. We are all here to help.Barbarax

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    1. Thanks Barbara, I'm trying to be positive but it's one step forward and two steps back at times. I'll get there!

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  7. Don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said but hope this turns out to be a shortlived wobble and nothing more. You have such a good structure in place and put me to shame so you should be proud of yourself.

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    1. Thank you. I'm hoping that I have caught it early enough to turn things around without medication. xx

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  8. Bless you as you cope with your knee pain and depression lurking nearby. I prayed just now that the depression will back off; you have a good plan of action. Keeping a schedule, doing things you enjoy. I am learning a new creative activity for me, decorating small rocks. Adding a new fun activity is always a good distraction.

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    1. Thank you, Terra. Actually acknowledging the depression has made a difference to how I feel. My new activity for this winter is paper cutting. I've ordered a starter pack and will give it a go. I've wanted to try this for ages and have chosen to try it now as it is something I will need to concentrate on when I'm doing it.

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  9. I'm glad you know what to do to treat yourself and help in getting through this, and I'm glad your knee is better... You know how to take positive action! {{{hug}}}

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    1. Thank you. It's early days yet but the positive sign is that I seem to have stopped the downward spiral even if I don't actually feel an improvement yet.

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  10. Good for you for recognizing your situation and taking action to remedy things before they get worse. I can see why having a good morning and evening routine, on a specific timetable would help. Routine can actually breed happiness. And I stopped and said a little prayer for you.

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    1. Thank you so much Susanne. Re-establishing the routines is helping. It gives me a structure to the day instead of just letting everyone drift.

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